Monday, November 23, 2009

Bah Humbug!

We interrupt the normal crafty goodness for a good old fashioned rant and rave!
I hate that the holidays are a big fat mess when you have a blended family. We are trying to find time to make new traditions for our family. But some of our family gets upset if we don’t do all their holiday events and traditions when they want us too. We don’t even have my step sons this year until after x-mus and barely any time in Dec. at all. I haven’t seen my extended side of the family for x-mus in years! Luckily my family tells us to just do what we need too and they try to schedule around us. I tell you one really good thing about being a single parent, you get to spend the whole holidays with your family. I hate that I now dread the holidays because we just cant make everyone happy. My Dh and I end up giving up the traditions we want to create in favor of trying to satisfy everyone. I know I hardly ever rant or give much personal stuff but this really bums me out. Christmas is NOT about what you get and where you are going. Its about love, family, and spirit. I just hate that the Holidays are now always a stressed time for us. I know some of you can relate because blended families are now more common than traditional families. How crazy is that!? I would LOVE to know how YOU deal with this!


Gail said...

Well, it doesn't have to be a blended family for the "big fat mess" to happen...for years dh and I would go up to see his family (before dd was born), that was our tradition. His mom's b-day is Dec. 25th!
After dd was born we decided that she needs to wake up in her own bed and spend the day in her own home playing etc., so that's our new tradition!
As for Thanksgiving, we decided we want to stay home this year and cook, so we invited whoever wanted to join us to do just that....if they didn't, that's fine too.
It's all about being flexible, and if someone gets all bent out of shape, that's their choice I guess..but I'm beyond worrying about that. Dd and dh are my first priorities...:).
Hope you have a lovely holiday and things work out for you!

Kelly Green said...

Hi Brandy - I so hear ya! Last year my entire family completely exploded...parents not talking to my sister-in-law, brothers not talking, and so on. My parents announced they aren't even getting together with all of us anymore. They've even gone to Antarctica for Thanksgiving this year. (somewhat relieved!) In my own little " blended" family, my son had a complete falling out with my the point he actually had to move out. (He just graduated high school in June). We had the year from you-know-where with my son and while he and I are now in a much better place, my hub and him are still not talking. Then my stepson and stepdaughter are not speaking because she doesn't like his fiance. Aaaah! I can't even have all 3 kids here. My heart is so hurting because I can't have my son here...I have to go over there to visit him and it hurts me to know that he'll wake up alone on Christmas morning. BUT, having said all that, I am learning that I cannot change or fix anybody else's relationship, nor am I responsible for it. And it IS ok for me to have joy and peace at the holidays. I'm praying for inner peace this year...that is my mantra! I need to accept that even though things will be different, it doesn't have to be bad. AND, I'm trying to find courage to just be honest and tell people how I feel - if I do it in a kind way with a pure heart, then I am NOT responsible for how they react or if they pout. (which my mother has down to a science!). Hope some of those suggestions help. Oh, there is no perfect answer, we all have to just find our way I guess. But I do so hope that things will work themselves out for you, and that just knowing you're not alone in this whole holiday stress mess will help. Thinking of ya, Kelly

Little Pink Studio said...

Aw sweetie, I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this! I know blended families are a mess. Luckily, I don't have to worry with that part of it anymore as my exhusband completely dropped out of the picture. But I can relate and I just wanted to send you a big hug.
I think the main thing is to be firm about your family and the things you're wanting to do. Work those traditions in any way that you can. When your children grow up, it's those traditions that they remember most about their childhood.
xoxo, Cerri

Jackie said...

You have to do whats best for you! And that is not being selfish.

We use to have to run around so much going here and there to all families homes on the holidays that we were exhausted and not in a good mood. We would only get a few minutes for ourselves Christmas Eve night & morning before rushing out the door. Finally one year we said, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! And we told all family members that they could fight over us Christmas eve but on Christmas day we were staying home and enjoying the day for what it was. So then it turned into a big christmas country breakfast with an all day jammie fest of gifts and champagne mimomas then a big dinner feast at night with a few family members over to celebrate with us. It was AWESOME!!! We finally got into the warm wonderful feeling of Christmas and not the stress of it.

Then a few years ago... we did another thing. We cut giving presents to extended family. And we changed siblings gifts to 1 family gift each. That was a GODSEND! Now shopping isn't stressful, its fun.

Sooooo don't feel selfish or guilty do whats best for you!!!


luckygirlgifts said...

Oh, sweetie. :-(
O.K, here is my advice but first let me say I'm a total hypocrite.
1. Say "NO" more often.
2. Ignore, ignore, ignore
3. Have fun when you can.
My husbands side of the family is extremely difficult. Sometimes they show up, sometimes they don't. I personally don't care either way but the kids do and that bums me out.
Anyway, there's my bit of advise, it's all rubbish I'm sure.
You probably already feel a bit better just by getting it off of your chest.
Don't let it get you down.
Have a fabulous Thanksgiving.
Cari B.

Alisa said...

I hear you loud and clear, Brandy! My Farmboy and I have come to the conclusion, that in the end, you have to do what is right for you and your little family. And if the realatives can't understand the need for you to create the traditions and memories you want for your kids, then sorry about their luck. Plain and simple.

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